Please Don't Leave Me
by wolfpawn
Summary: Spencer Reid is hiding something from his boyfriend, he has to, he'll deal with it himself and then all will be okay.The only thing is Derek is a stubborn profiler too and he won't just let it rest. Moreid established relationship.


Fear coursed undiluted through his veins, he just had to stay calm until the case was over and he would deal with it then, he could handle that, couldn't he? He was suddenly snapped back to reality by the sound of his name.

"Reid, you and Morgan go to the ME's office and see what the autopsies have revealed, Dave and Blake go interview the joggers who found them, and JJ, you and I will deal with the press."

The team rose from the table and went off to three separate SUV's. "You going to tell me what's going on with you Spence?" Derek asked as he reversed the car out of the space and looked around the parking lot for the exit, before finding it and allowing his eyes settled on his lover.

"Nothing."

"Spencer, you can bullshit a lot of people but you'll never be able to lie to me. So let's try that again. What is going on with you?"

"I'll tell you when the case is over and we're home."

"Is it serious?"

Silence.

"Are you breaking up with me? Because I rather get it out of the way if you are."

"No, I'm not." He said firmly, causing the other man to believe in and agree to leave it for now. "But you're going to break up with me." He said fearfully under his breath.

**CMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCM**

Five days and a three state chase later and the Unsub was in custody and the team were back in Quantico.

Spencer had been so preoccupied by the case that he hadn't time to think of something to tell Derek. He had to think fast, the other man was going to insist they spend the night together tonight after a few days away on the job, and with Derek's occasional looks at him, he knew the first order of business in the older man's books would be finding out what had been preoccupying his younger lover.

"Ready to leave Pretty Boy?"

"Sure, two minutes." He grabbed his satchel and began to fiddle with it.

"So what are the world's most adorably sexy couple doing for the night?" Garcia chirped as she walked through the BAU with the last of the files she needed to hand Hotch before she, herself was going to be able to leave.

"Nothing that concerns you and your attempts to delve into our private life you sassy Mama you." He smiled at the bubbly blonde as she laughed and clip-clopped across the gangway. "Let's get out of here Spence."

Spencer nodded but stared at the floor as they walked out the door and to the elevator, grateful that they were joined by JJ who was asking Will what she should pick up for the dinner. He continued to think of what he could say was distracting him.

JJ said farewell and got into her car and the two men got into theirs. "Will we take a leaf from JJ's book and get some take-out?"

"Sounds good." Spencer answered, staring out the window at the darkening world outside.

"And maybe we can have that talk too?" Spencer could feel the older man's eyes on him as they came to a red light.

"Yeah." Spencer thought the least he could have was one final meal with Derek, though there was no guarantee the other man would wait until after the food to talk. "I'll go get the order." He offered when they got to their favourite Indian and got out of the car swiftly.

Fifteen minutes later he returned with the food to a concerned looking Derek. Usually one would order and then return to the other in the car for the time it took for the food to cook. They used that time to chat about irrelevant things, profile random people walking down the street, usually jokingly adding ridiculous comments about them as they went about their lives. He hopped into the car, the food on his lap and stared ahead. Derek's rich chocolate eyes staring straight at him. "Spencer, how bad is this? What have I done?"

Spencer closed his eyes and looked down. Derek was blaming himself; he thought he was the problem. He didn't know whether to scoff a laugh at the absurdity of it, or cry at the thought of what he was going to be telling the other man.

"Let's just get home and eat." Home, their home. Which one would move out first? Probably Derek, storm off to Garcia's, and the poor woman would have to act as a communicator for them. He had to make sure whatever he said, Derek would not feel like he was to blame. This was Spencer's problem, and he would fix it alone, even if he didn't want to, again. He gulped as he thought back to the other timed this happened. He felt so trapped then, and that's why he knew he couldn't admit to it now. The looks of disgust, the fear that Derek would tell everyone, he couldn't have that. They'd reject him too, they were the closest thing he had to a family, and he couldn't lose them. But what could he say?

All too soon, they arrived to the house. The sound of Clooney barking at the familiar noise of the tyres crunching on the gravel. Spencer usually adored that sound, the sound of home, tonight he feared it. Derek opened the door and as usual stepped in and held the door for Spencer, who just walked straight to the kitchen with the food, no 'welcome home' kiss they always had after every case away.

Spencer got out the plates and started unpacking the containers of food. He could hear Derek talking to the dog and letting him out into the garden before throwing both of their go-bags into the laundry room. He had just finished pulling out Derek's beer from the fridge and was contemplating what to drink himself when he felt a pair of hands on his hips. Spencer jumped and squeaked at the contact but then froze.

"Spencer, whatever it is, please just tell me, we can work through it." Derek's voice is soft, but terrified.

"We should eat the food before it gets cold." Spencer cold barely get his voice more audible than a whisper. He pulled a can of orange soda out of the cupboard for himself, he hated them out of the fridge, it was too cold then in contrast to the hot food.

"Spencer." Derek refused to get out of the way. "I'm not going to be able to eat worrying about this, and I can see in your face that you are worried sick, so you too won't eat."

"I can't I just need to eat please."

"No." he took the plate and soda and put them on to counter. "Tell me Spencer, tell me what's wrong." He put a hand on each of Spencer's shoulders and gazed into his eyes. Spencer found himself losing the story he was going to say, about going to Vegas for a few weeks for his mom. To wait for this all to be over, a distant memory. "Please Spence."

He tried to look at Derek, but all he could see was a blurry outline of the dark skinned man as tears welled up in his eyes. "Please, don't."

But Derek could see he was on the edge of getting the younger to reveal what was bothering him so. "Spencer, there is nearly nothing we can't fix." He took a deep breath, Spencer knew whatever he was going to say next would be difficult. "Are you using again?" Spencer shook his head, unable to speak, but he knew there was none of the shame on his face that he used have when he used to try and hide his drug habit. "Did you cheat?" He glared at the older man indignantly. No other answer was necessary. "Well then whatever it is, we'll get through it."

"It's not that simple."

"Why not Pretty Boy?"

"It just isn't." still his voice was but a whisper.

Derek had to lean in solely to hear what his younger lover was saying. "Spencer, look at me." He placed his hand under Spencer's chin and gently tilted his head up. "Tell me."

"You'll hate me." The tears still threatened to fall.

"Not possible, the only unforgivable thing you have shown me you have not done, so after that, everything else can be worked through." Derek seemed to pick his moment to perfection. "Baby Boy, what is the worst that can happen?"

"You'll realise how much of a freak I am, and you'll tell everyone and I'll have to leave."

Derek laughed. "Spence, you're abnormal nerdiness is one of your sexiest features, your freakishly large brain is something I adore about you. And if there is something that is so bad I would leave, why would I tell everyone, that would be wrong and you know I don't roll that way." Derek wrapped his armed around Spencer.

"Because it happened before, and I had to leave and come here." Spencer nestled into the dark navy shirt and took in the smell of the other man.

"Spencer. Tell me."

"No, it doesn't matter; it'll be sorted on Saturday."

"What will? Spencer what are you doing Saturday. Tell me. I'm not going anywhere."

"He said that too, he said if I did it, then things would be okay. We'd go back to normal. I knew it was the right thing to do, but I did it for the wrong reasons, I was too young. He left anyway."

"Right, so this is something to do with Ethan then? Spencer tell me."

"I'm not normal." He cried.

"It took you thirty years to figure that one out Mr Certifiable Genius. That's what makes you all the more special."

"I'm not exactly what you think I am."

"Come again?"

"I have a uterus."

He felt Derek push back from him and saw the baffled look on his face. "Come again?" his eyebrows almost hitting the top of his shaven head.

"I have a uterus; I was born with both sets of sexual organs."

"Right." Derek's face was confused.

"I'm pregnant." Spencer sobbed violently. He could not think of anything but the oncoming tirade of abuse he had suffered once before.

Nothing happened. The sobs subsided after a few minutes, there was silence, but he could still feel the presence of the other man in the room. He looked up from the ground and slowly raised his gaze over the exquisite form of the man in front of him, toned and well defined muscles jutted out from his t-shirt. Spencer's eyes continued further up until he reached his face. The look of poor shock would have been hilarious any other time, but not now.

"That's why I always insisted on condoms, even after you wanted us to get tested. I didn't want this to happen, it happened before, and Ethan said if I got rid of it then that would be that, but he told everyone how much of a freak I was. Please don't tell anyone Derek, I'll get the termination on Saturday and I'll just leave, but please don't tell."

Derek seemed to snap out of his trance. "Spence, shut up."

The younger obeyed.

"You're pregnant, and it's mine?" Spencer nodded. "And you want to get the termination?"

Spencer frowned. "You don't want me to?" His voice shook as he spoke.

"I never said anything, this is your choice Spencer, and I will support you regardless. I love you and I will not abandon you, or rat you out to anyone for that matter. If you want this to stay between us, then that's fine."

"You're not mad?" He looked through his messed hair at the other man.

"I wish you'd have told me about the whole uterus thing before now, I thought you'd a problem with me regarding the whole condom thing. But the way you cried there Spencer shows me how scared you are of losing me. That's not going to happen Baby Boy. Now let's eat and we'll talk more afterwards.

**CMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCMCM**

****"I'm coming with you to the clinic." Derek announced after their food was eaten. "You are going through it alone."

"You're against it though."

"Sorry?"

"Your tone of voice, the way you said clinic, you don't want me to."

"This is not up to me Spencer. I am not the one carrying around a baby in me, it is easy for me to say that as the non-pregnant person, only you can decide what's right, but can I ask you one thing? You said you were too young before. The way you said it implied that you'd have kept it were you older. Did I pick that up right?"

"I was a kid Derek; I didn't know what I wanted." Spencer's voice faltered for a moment.

"Spencer, look at me." Again the lithe man did as requested.

"Spencer, does part of you want to keep this baby?" Spencer's heart pounded loudly and he gulped. "Be honest."

"I have a stable income, I am thirty years old and I can afford to raise a child, yes, but it's not right."

"It's up to you and I will support you, but we are both able to support it, we both want it, maybe you should about that too."

"You want it?"

"Spencer, I love you more than anything in this world, the idea alone of a baby with you has been something I have wanted for a while, I thought the day would come that we would adopt, but the idea of a baby genetically half of both of us is amazing."

"I'd screw up, I don't know how to be a father, mine left."

"Mine did too, by different means but regardless. Your father thought you a valuable lesson. He taught you how not to father a child."

The sat in silence for a while, Spencer tired from the pregnancy and his sobbing. They went to bed without another word on the subject, both men deep in thought. After a while Spencer turned around to face the other man. "Derek?"

"Yeah Pretty Boy?"

"Promise me something."

"Anything."

"Promise not to ever call me Mommy."

Derek turned so that the men were facing each other. "I think I can manage that." Before pulling the younger man into a lip bursting kiss. His hand rubbing Spencer's abdomen. "My Baby Boy and our baby. Thank you Spencer."

"You are so helping with the diapers."

"Anything for my baby and our baby."


End file.
